Ok, I'm sorry dude but what the actual fuck is this post?
Are you new to garrys mod, or dark RP? Are you used to super strict uptight servers where nobody can step out of line at all without getting banned? Were you perhaps on hard drugs at the time of making this incoherent, damn near schizophrenic post?
You're right - the server is filled with angry, obsessive, and mean people who will do anything they can to get anyone they don't like in trouble. This is a part of the very foundation of the gmod community. The more relaxed the toxicity/community rules - the more this kind of shit happens. It's DarkRP.
For 1, ideally staff should ALWAYS be keeping in mind what the intent of a sitcallers sit is for, and if its vindictive or petty. We should not be encouraging these types of sits, nor should we be giving these kinds of people what they want, unless the situation is severe. - This is a problem that has been around since the dawn of the server, and the dawn of DarkRP in general. That doesn't excuse using the Hard R in public. Keep that shit in private calls/dms/servers with consenting individuals. If you say it publicly you are REQUIRED to be punished for it. Thats just how it works.
Staff probably shouldn't be calling you racist in ooc about it, it's gmod, the majority of gmodders say it privately. Instigating it is just petty, and kind of hypocritical, but you seem to be taking things WAY too seriously and WAYYY too personally.
This is a video game, and a server that is EXTREMELY non-serious, and really quite lax on toxicity rules - but things like slurs are an insta punish nearly every time, unless its in !pm's or party chats with consenting individuals. If you say slurs publicly expect to get in a sit about it. If you don't want to get punished for it, don't be stupid and say it publicly or to non consenting individuals. It's extremely easy. I've never in the 6 years I've been around here said the hard R publicly on our platform.
This is TitsRP, you either sink, or you swim. If you can't learn to ignore shit and not let shit get to you to such a concerning level, you won't survive. Mind you today's community has much more toxicity rules than say, 6-7 years ago. So honestly - either you need to adapt, or maybe you need to find something else to do. Not everyone can handle it, some people require intense regulation and coddling to enjoy themselves - that's fine, but that's not here.
TLDR; Don't be dumb and say slurs in public, don't break the rules, or do your best not to, and if you think you got falsely punished, or someone is making a sit purely to be vindictive and a cunt - communicate about it. If the staff member in the sit doesn't care about your concerns, take it to the forums or a higher up. Though if you want to be taken seriously - just ease up on the schizoposting, simplify your posts, and make your claims/concerns simple and concise.
Smoke some weed or something dude.