THE NUTTY TIMES, vol.1

[Mr. Peanut Butter]

THE NUTTY TIMES, volume 1

 

INTRODUCTION

• hecko friends! Welcome to The Nutty Times, volume 1, brought to you by me, Mr. Peanut Butter. The Nutty Times is your new TitsRP Weekly News Source, and will focus on actual events happening and that have happened recently on the Server. This is inspired by The Titty Times by Filmz is Truth, and while that may not be the most popular statement to make, I hope it does not discourage you from further reading. The reason I want to do this is because I personally really liked the concept of having a General News Source for the Community, although I feel like the idea was too unorganized and went off track from its purpose in that it was not mainly focused on events in the server, and fell more into a Gossip/Drama category surrounding the controversy of Filmz himself. But since all of that drama, it seems Filmz will probably not be releasing any more "papers" for The Titty Times, so I might as well take over since I loved the original idea. And if he does decide to make more, well now he'll just have some friendly competition! Another reason I'd like to give it a shot is because I am an experienced writer and sometimes I just like to write stuffs. It gives me something productive to do. But this isn't about me, it's about you goofs, so let's get right into it, shall we?

 

Warm Welcomes

Munkir - If you take the 'r' off, your name is 'Munki'. I shall call you George.

Panda Collision - What is the Panda colliding with? Do you collide with the other Panda?

Cuntbucket - I'm lazy and type half the name, so I'm gonna love typing 'Extend for Cunt'.

i got downs - Well have you tried getting up?

Succ SD - Succ. Do you give the succ or get the succ?

CX Panda - Panda? Panda... PANDA PANDA PANDA PANDA!!! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY???

Kryptonite - If we changed the other guy's name we would have a good song. How Harmonious.

Pippy - Pip Pip Cheerio! IDK HOW TO MEME A MEME OKAY???

Rubik - Rubik's Cubes are easy, all I gotta do is twist you around a few times and you're done.

Blakec - You have a normal name so you get a normal comment. Kek.

Jev - If you reverse the name you get "veJ". Take that as you will.

 

Important Changes

Several People have been up in arms recently, desperately wanting their voices to be heard regarding the issue of the recent SWEP Nerfs, as they're called, where a Weapon in the game is reduced in stats significantly to balance it out for people who have not or can not acquire the items. Most recently, several items were nerfed, including the Super Crowbar, The Fox Gun, The Nyan Gun, The Particle Cannon, and The Master Sword, The most controversial being the last two. Many people both agree and disagree to the modifications to the items. In my own opinion, it seems that it is mostly a feud between people with more money who pay to have an advantage over people with less money, and the people with less money who argue that it becomes a Pay-To-Win situation where even if you are good at the game, you must pay your way to success. But each and every argument has its own counter, maybe even several. One such example of a counter for the Pay-To-Win Argument is that anything you can pay for with real money can also be paid for with in-game-money that can be earned through in-game tasks. However a Counter to THAT is that there are not enough ways to earn that in-game money and not everyone has an interest in defending a Base all day while pressing e on a bunch of money boxes. But there's no need to worry! Since the issue is heavily discussed by the Active Community on a regular basis and the owner and god of this realm, Sugar Tits, is planning to add a literal shit-ton of new content in the coming weeks ahead.

 

Dirty Laundry

This week's Dirty Laundry is gonna be focusing around 2 cases. Next week it might be more, it might be less, who knows? The first Case Is that of the now Permanently Banned player going by the name 'OG Bot Dumbass', and as it turns out seeing as he will never play again, he truly WAS a Dumbass. So it all started when I noticed that a player was advertising to sell a CC SWEP in Advert Chat. He never ending up selling it, whether it was due to there not being any customers or him just testing to see if people would offer to buy it, I'm not sure. A few minutes after the Adverts stop, A Report comes in from the same player who claimed to have discovered not only a profitable exploit, but people intentionally using it. He then explained to me how exactly the exploit worked, what they were doing, and what to watch for. He only did it himself a few times to test it before reporting it and surrendered the three exploited goods immediately. For this, he was not punished in any way. After a several minutes of spectating the players in question and gathering the necessary evidence to use in the case against them, I brought them to a Staff Area and asked them what was going on. I was so excited and ready for the controversy that was about to erupt. Unfortunately for my  Inner Drama Wolf, I did not get any juicy drama for it to feast on, as after only a single attempt at playing coy, I called their bluff and they both confessed immediately. I was so disappointed. Both players were then banned accordingly for a week, the default ban time for Exploiting. However, being that it was a profitable exploit, I requested Sugar to Permanently Ban them both. He did some digging into the Sugar Logs he keeps in his butt, and discovered that OG Bot Dumbass was the main culprit and that the other people involved "just seemed curious" as he put it himself. Dumbass was Banned Permanently for reason "Heck Off" by the almighty Sugar Tits, while the other suspect has served his seven day ban and has since apologized and claimed to have learned from it. Time will tell.

 

Our next case is for the Demotion of Yena, who thankfully, didn't go Full Homer on us, but has done basically the same thing in means of leaving TitsRP forever, as far as we can tell. Well-known and seemingly beloved Tunnel Snakes member Yena4chaos was demoted from Staff during his Trial period for False AWarning, Staff Obstruction, Immaturity, and No Clip Abuse. We had hoped with his extra training we would not have had something so disappointing as this to happen, but we were evidently wrong. This incident started when Yena was reported by a user for AWarning the user even though he complied to Yena's orders. The report was seen as Valid, but Staff decided not to punish Yena and to just resolve the situation by removing the False AWarn. However, what happened later is the real kicker. During the most recent T-Mod Promotion Wave, what it's referred to when a majority of Staff Applications are either accepted and denied by Admins and then the Admins get on and Promote all the users with Accepted Applications to Trial Moderator and organize their training. Admin Dindu Nuffinz was the Admin handling these most recent promotions at the time, and apparently during this time that he was so busy doing this, Dindu was interrupted by Yena teleporting to him and asking for his own Promotion, from Trial Moderator to Moderator. Dindu declined and tried to simply ignore Yena, but Yena allegedly got really antsy and obnoxious towards Dindu and so Dindu made him leave. He kept coming back so Dindu decided to just kill Yena, rationalizing his own action as the fastest and easiest way to remove Yena from his space. But yet again, Yena did not catch the memo and got a very bad impression from Dindu that it nwas now time to abuse and RDM each other, so Yena went back again and Revenge Killed Dindu. Dindu was fed up at this point and removed all access from Yena, effectively giving him a Full Demotion to User. After a long dispute between the twon and a few third party opinions, Dindu had decide to give Yena his rank back, until Moderator El Presidente del TitsRP, now known simply as Ghost or something else equally original, brought forward evidence that Yena was still No-Clipping into his Base from the street, which is an obvious abuse of power, although it does not harm anyone, it gave the Trial Mod an advantage over regular users that are always physical and must go through the props as intended, and Yena did this even after being previously warned not to do so by myself and possibly other Staff Members. So, Dindu's decision on Yena's demotion was final. Shortly after, Yena managed to False Raid and RDM Dindu, by coincidence I'm sure, and got himself banned for 1 whole day, although he did not come back for some time after that. When he did come back, he targeted a Staff Member that he had a separate quarrel with, Wavy. Basically Wavy was in a Kingdom, and Yena raided the kingdom. No Biggie. Until Yena was killed and went back and broke into to the Kingdom 4 more times, Revenge Killing Wavy the final time, which is when Wavy snapped and Jail-Teleported Yena. Yena knew what he did was wrong and was very hostile in the sit. He ended up getting banned for seven days for the Mass NLR. However it may seem to anyone else, I couldn't tell you, but to me it seems like this is his ragequit from the server, due to the fact that while he was on that day, he also added me to his Custom Class before this happened. I was roleplaying as something else already and didn't notice until I switched to the CC after he was gone that the job name was 'R.I.P Yena', indicating he had at least some plan to leave the server.

 

Nutty Tails

• Couches - What started as a Peaceful Protest against the Government for the rights of Couches, People Who Sit on Couches, and People who believe Couches and people who sit on them have rights, turned into a full-blown revolution including weapons and fatalities and the likes. It started when the somehow sentient couches started to sit in and around the PD while advertising and yelling the phrase "Couch Lives Matter!". The first shots were fired when someone sat on one of the couches and was killed for it. The couches were outraged, and the people of the city definitely were as well, as that is Excessive Force as a CP, a very serious offense. So more people also began sitting on the couches and joing in on yelling and adverting the phrase "Couch Lives Matter" as well as the phrase "People who sit on Couches' Lives Matter". Eventually there was a heavy dipute on whether or not any of this was actually true, and caused a divide in both Government and Civilians and provoked the protestors to add the phrase "People who believe in the rights of Couches and People who sit on Couches' Lives matter", almost as if to say that if you disagree with the protest, your life now no longer mattered. Civil War erupted in the city and the Couches were at this point protected by the People who sit on Couches, who would now wield guns for self and couch protection and kill anyone who directly or indirectly threatened the safety of the lives of Couches and People who sit on Couches. The fighting lasted for hours until a new Mayor rose to power and effectively removed everyone who even so much as disrespected Couches and People who sit on Couches in any way, shape, or form. The mayor was eventually killed and the Sentient Couches are now missing, as well as everyone who defended them, most of which died in the battle. Could the Government or Administration of Tits City be covering this up? There HAVE been a LOT of strange creatures roaming around these parts lately...

 

• Martyr - During the Hobo Occupation that will be further elaborated on below, there was an attempt to assassinate a popular hobo who was singing the beautiful songs of his by means of placing a bomb next to his improvised shelter, seeing as the hobo did not have a home (shocker, I know). Luckily, a very brave man by the name Rugrat noticed and quickly grabbed the bomb and managed to get it away from not only the hobo but everyone else before it detonated. Unfortunately, the man died a Martyr in the resulting explosion.

 

• The Hobo Occupation - Another interesting event from the week is that of the Hobo Occupation. During a time of of Mass Chaos during the recovery from the last Civil War that occurred in the city, A group of several homeless people noticed that the CP were so busy that the Department was actually empty, so they broke in and occupied the PD in CP's absence, and began advertising that "Due to the city's refusal to create a shelter for the homeless, all the hobos will now be living in the PD" and of course, that "Hobo Lives Matter". When CP returned, they were not at all happy with this, and immediate chaos ensued, with shots fired and several dead on the first contact, although it is unknown who shot first, as smoke grenades were deployed throughout the building and later most of Main Street, where the following fighting would occur. It is also unknown which side threw the smokes, if not both. During the conflict, a new Mayor rose to power, Mayor rich black man, who was known at the time as The Hobo Mayor. The Hobo Mayor, was, of course, sided with hobo-kind. He decided his regime would not only allow Hobos to be a part of the PD, but that anyone who disagreed would not be allowed in the PD, nor would they be alive. During the chaos, most opposers of the regime were eliminated rather efficiently, although the Mayor was kidnapped and then rescued numerous times, but with all the kidnappers and anyone else who threatened the regime winding up dead and full of lead. The fighting eventually slowed, and with less and less support and only a single dedicated soldier left, the Mayor was eventually assassinated, as well as his loyal soldier and their reign of power came to an end.

 

• Mass FailDM - An attempted Terrorist Bombing on Main Street turned out to be a complete failure, and that's pretty awesome, but it gets better. There was a person who came from the Entry Hall with bombs ready and immediately started placing bombs into a crowd of people. The crowd simply dispersed and backed away from the scene. Three explosions later, none of the bomber's intended targets were killed or even fatally wounded, however the bomber himself was in critical condition until he got double-whammied and was struck down in a single hit by a Master Sword. So RIP that guy amirite?

 

STATS OF THE WEEK

 

Staff of the Week: Dolan CX

 

Mayor of the Week: rich black man the hobo mayor

 

This Week's Best Laws:

• If you can beat the mayor in a rap battle you get a get out of jail free card

• Porn Stars are Hump on Sight

• Entry to PD Requires a Cavity Check

• You can to drug

 

Most Honorable CP: Race0pone

 

Most Reported Crime to CP: Rape

 

Most Reported Crime to Staff: admom halp pl0x RDM.ds,.lksehfyukhsaeygfiuhlosefh7sdhvfuisenivug

 

CP Bust of the Week: Tunnel Snake Imposter Revolt

Closer to last week, there was a Civil War in the city between the well-known Tunnel Snakes group and, well, everyone else. Except it wasn't the Tunnel Snakes at all. I'm sure I don't need to explain how war works, and I was not around to see the fake Tunnel Snakes rise to power in the first place, but basically when I arrived in the city at that time, the war was already ongoing and so I decided to investigate, and I was not the only one. We came to find out that a Judge by the name 'Minge' was the main perpetrator of all the chaos. He somehow managed to divide the CPs AND the Civilians in such a way that literally anyone who was not identifying as a Tunnel Snake was killed on sight by those that were. Some of the people that disagreed with becoming a Tunnel Snake decided to instead become "Funnel Snakes" and sneak their way in to get the truth and also do damage to the Imposters. Eventually the violence simmered down as the Tunnel Snakes were systematically held at gunpoint while Staff detained and punished them, and their leader, Minge, was jailed and given a Public Ban over the Fountain on Main Street to symbolically and physically end the battle once and for all.

 

Staff Bust of the Week: Sideways SD the Rogue

Many of you may have noticed that Sideways SD no longer exists, and even less of you probably know why. So, according to several people in contact with him during the day of the incident, he had already planned to go rogue and quit the server, and he "wanted to go out with a bang". I was not one of the people that was aware it would happen. The way I became involved is when Moderator Wavy teleported to me and asked for my help finding an abuser who allegedly No-Clipped into his base and destroyed all his stuff. I used his chatlines as a point of reference for checking the logs and found that the only two people it could have possibly been were Trail Moderator Sideways SD and Moderator El Presidente. I interviewed Presidente first and he seemed to have been in a sit, as verified by the logs, during the time in question, leaving only Sideways as a suspect. At the exact same time this was happening, Sideways took a sit regarding himself where he allegedly abused and raided another base, even during a sit that he was supposed to be solving but left in the middle of, which happened to be the same sit Presidente ended up taking over for him. Allegedly they had called Staff and during the sit that he responded to by teleporting into their base, Sideways disappeared in the middle of the sit, meaning Presidente had to take over the sit, and then either while it was happening or right after Presidente left, the reporters heard gunshots and explosions in their base and ran upstairs to find Sideways destroying their stuff. They called another sit and he responded to it and before they even said exactly what they tought may have happened, he was already playing the "I didn't do it" card, saying he didn't (add specific abuse here) and their response was, they didnt claim he did exactly that. He then paid them each 100k, a total of 300k before leaving, which I found incredibly suspicious. I also checked his logs to see the transaction and noticed he gave someone else around 6 mil, almost all of the money he had at the time, which, to me, indicated that he had the intention to leave the server soon. I brought Sideways and interviewed him thoroughly, and despite his claims to not be abusive, I determined that he was the ONLY possible suspect and thus guilty, but he maintained his position of being innocent to me while simultaneously telling the people he was chatting with on discord that it was bullshit and he was totally guilty. I recorded my findings and reported it to Admins, but they didn't so anything, and let him continue and wanted me to watch him and report again if he did something worse. I now know, that the reason for this was that they wanted him to do something worse so that he could be exiled forever as he wished, as they were in contact with him and I wasn't. I continued watching him, and after a while, I noticed he was making failed attempts to ban literally everyone, and then failing to ban me. I contacted other Staff and one of them finally informed me of what was going on, and relayed important current information for what was about to happen. Finally, Sideways brought me to a sit with false claims of DDoS that I was informed would happen so that I wouldn't panic and would just let it happen. He banned me for a very crude reason under the name Angry African and also included it in the ban reason, indicating that it was also an attack on me by someone who I never wronged and thought was my friend, but instead wanted to try to humiliate me. I was immediately unbanned and Sideways was Banned Permanently. As far as I know, Angry African is either also Permabanned or just gone from the server on his own accord, or even just hiding, as I haven't noticed anything regarding him since then. So the situation is resolved, but I know better than to trust people, and even moreso now, because of these events.

 

MEMES: https://imgur.com/gallery/m14JE

 

TitsRP Celebrities: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? LET'S FIND OUT!

 

This Week's Celebrity: CX Dolann

 

Question

Response

 

How are you doing today?

Well

 

How do you feel about staffing now as opposed to before you started?

Since I was promoted it makes it a lot easier. I can ban people for up to 7 days if needed. And I can extend other's bans.

 

That's good. Are you enjoying it so far?

Yes

 

How long have you played the server?

I've been around for about 3 years now, but in hours I only have 313.

 

Ah okay, so you were more of an off and on player before?

Yes

 

What made you stick around this time?

Well uh, I dunno. I just got back into Gmod and remembered TitsRP.

 

What is your favorite thing to do on the server in RP?

Make money.

 

What is the best way you've found to make money?

Processors. Lots and lots of processors.

 

Do you sell all the goods or just wait for valuable stuff?

I sell all items I get from processors.

 

What's the strangest thing that's happened to you or you have seen as Staff?

Someone requesting me to ban them permanently.

 

Interesting. What would you say is the biggest bust you've done so far?

Catching three Mass RDMers in one small area. They were all bunched up sitting in a building, propblocking the entrance, killing often and it was Mass so I was happy to have them gone.

 

Good job. Do you plan to be Staff for a long time?

As long as I can, I don't plan on resigning.

 

Awesome! Well we're glad to have you, a lot of people have been bringing your name up. Why do you think there is such a controversy surrounding you?

Uh. Oh shit. I think I know where this one's going. Well it's been a good run I assume, what'd I do wrong?

 

I thought it might sound like that, but that's not what I meant.

Oh. Phew.

 

Some say you brown-nosed Neko to get promoted. Is that true?

All I know is that Blakec apparently said something about me and I got Mod. or other people I don't know.

 

So people put in a good word for you?

I guess.

 

That's good to know. You've been nominated for the first Staff of the Week mention in my upcoming project for the forums.

Neat. Wait, why? I'm not that good. I'm alright.

 

Cause you've been a good noodle!

Oh. Okay then.

 

Leaked Supervisor Notes:

• Does not boast an ego like some other Mods have done recently, when asked in anon "Who is your personal favorite Mod?" he responded "not me" and when interviewed claimed he wasn't that good.

•Despite rumors of him allegedly not taking sits, he takes several sits and has no problem extending bans and helping T-Mods in need of help.

• He is very calm and collected, and even in the face of a (Meme) Demotion, that he believed to be real until assured otherwise, he had little to no negative reaction.

 

Other Interesting Stuffs (COMING NEXT WEEK)

• Rick and Morty Season 3 Review

 

HIRING SOME PEEPS

• Wanted: Writers paid 50k per article used, 10k extra with pictures

• Wanted: Memers paid 20k per meme used

[bone.]

Why didn't you ask Dolann if he was D A N G E R O U S ?

love you Dolan <3

[Jev]

This is actually so cool. I don't even want to turn on the news anymore.

[Mr. Peanut Butter]

Uhh, can I be a writer..lmao I need 50k.

 

if you're serious, sure, find something interesting to write about and send me an article. If I decide to use it you will be paid on the day it releases.

---

Why didn't you ask Dolann if he was D A N G E R O U S ?

love you Dolan <3

 

because hobo lives matter

 

This is actually so cool. I don't even want to turn on the news anymore.

 

Thanks <3 I'm glad you like it

[[HFG] Pyro Apprentice]

ill be a memer

---

I'm gonna make it on the news by mass rdming then banning everyone for the reason gay xddddd

[Monoxide]

I like this. Very well thought out, grammatically correct, and highly detailed. I Look forward to reading more of this, and perhaps writing an article or two from time to time.

[Diddles The DrunkRaccoon]

this is fucking gay

wheres the bright colors

 

 

 

 

this is like a shitty party with a half working disco ball

if i want my news i want it to be dazzling

[Munkir]

I absolutely love this!!! Keep them coming =)

 

PS. If you need a writer pm me on the forums, I would love to contribute.

 

Munkir

[Mr. Peanut Butter]

Pyro Apprentice" timestamp="1506718762"]

ill be a memer

---

I'm gonna make it on the news by mass rdming then banning everyone for the reason gay xddddd

 

do it. no ballz. ball? where? I'll go get the ball!

 

/me runs out of view

 

I like this. Very well thought out, grammatically correct, and highly detailed. I Look forward to reading more of this, and perhaps writing an article or two from time to time.

 

Thank you. I'm glad you like it <3

 

this is fucking gay

wheres the bright colors

 

 

 

 

this is like a shitty party with a half working disco ball

if i want my news i want it to be dazzling

 

"this is fucking gay"

"I want it to be dazzling"

 

hmm... :thinking:

 

I absolutely love this!!! Keep them coming =)

 

PS. If you need a writer pm me on the forums, I would love to contribute.

 

Munkir

 

thanks <3 and sure thing! all you have to do is send me an article and if I like it I'll pay you. if you become a regular contributor, you will earn extra money.

[Chickenkeeper]

Oof I didn't know about the OG Dumbass thing till today, I waited like a week for him to get back on thinking he didn't get on for school days just so I could sell a processor for Vip