thank you skadop.
it's very, very hard to struggle with this disorder without any form of assistance.
I did a few weeks of counseling but had to cancel due to price, then had my school do an online therapy for me for free which honestly helped.
Just note, the only thing that prevented me from committing suicide was talking to my school counselor on a random tuesday because i knew i needed help. That's all that took for me to get help, thats how genuinely easy it is for me to not make a mistake that could solve a problem permanently rather than temporarily.